Love at no cost..

Actually this is kinda private, but i just feel the need to let it out.. and telling her straight will be a bit hard to do..

Sorry Ani for using this channel, kalau fb lg susah, sbb kwn2 ani semua boleh bacakan..

I was a bit saddened when was told by my sil yday that she’s got back together with her ex.. which i would categorize as a predator-dominator kinda relationship.. When they broke up early this year, i could see a lot of improvement in her, mentally, emotionally, physically and socially.. I was so happy to see her progress..  having more friends.. happily enjoying going out with her friends.. and her relationship with Nadhrah too, closer n started caring (eventho she says its not true, one n me thinks so, to us there was not much love before) ..

and the countless ands..

.

.

and we had a bit of history, 2 years back, when I was in confinement delivering Nadhrah.. She stayed at my moms place as well then, as she was doing her practical, she was still new with this guy, and was kinda love-sick period, and dunno what happened.. she changed a lot at that time, and still until now, we couldnt understand/know what really happened.. but was really hurt then by her actions n her words.. WHEN ALL I DID, WAS CARED… maybe caring too much isnt good either rite?

her actions did impact a lot to me, my mil’s perception (eventho she didnt say anything or more scolded me or anything, she remain calm as she is.. but I could see the distance n all) and i should not mention others.. Futhermore, i have always thought that it was caused by him..  I’ve known Ani for closed to 8years then, n never did she did that to me, nothing close.. never intentionally hurting me anyway..

as she told me yday, she said he’s really regretting everything he did to her and others, and want to change badly.. and begged for her forgiveness and a 2nd chance.. The sound of her words, seems like they’re gonna be more serious into the relationship.. I really dont know how to future will look like.. ofcos i wont be lashing out at him, i’m not that kinda type, or even treat him badly.. just that our perception of him.. trusting him.. its gonna be hard..

even getting back to trusting n letting go 100% of what happened between ani n us(one n me), was really hard.. i am a forgiver.. but not a forgetter.. i always forgive, but never forget.. (thats my problem.. cos every now n then when i remember it back.. it still hurts me..) it hurt me quite deep actually…

i’m the type that hard to love somebody, it takes me long to really trust n love someone.. but once i do, its for real.. n when somebody i love hurts me it will cut me very deep.. n i love my girlfriends more then my lovers (One is exceptional, cos he’s not only my bf, he’s my bestfriend too, my soulmate to be exact..).. n i consider ani like one of my bff jugak back then bfo getting married, becos we share a lot of things.. she does sleepovers at my place n stuffs like bff’s do..

.

when she told me yday n asked me to comment, most the time i was only reading her story, I only said “its better for me not to comment, as ill be bias, bcos of my feeling towards him.. If you’ve accepted him, we wont be in ur way.. its ur choice to make anyway… we only are concern of u that u might get hurt again.. thats all… ”

even her friends doesnt like this guy…

she said.. ani takdpt tipu diri ani lagi, ani mmg syg sgt kat dia..

terpaku jap.. i couldnt say anything more..

.

.

sometime love does this to ppl kan? walaupun luka mcmmana pun syg n cinta separuh mati..

if thats her decision, who am i to say anything? i know she wants to know what we think… but issit really important? as she already make her say n stand.. after all the one who’s gonna take the risk is her, suffer also her, happy also her..n i guess she knows best what she wants, right..?

.

.

Here’s a song for her… i heard this song this morning, and i tot of her.. becos,  I think its more or like, same as  her love-relationship..

.
.
i realize NOW, all i need to do is WISH HER THE BEST…
.
and Ani, I hope he really means it and I pray  for u to be happy dear.. altho we(one and me) have different thots of him, lets put that aside (i’m not sure of what Mak n others would think).. but to me if you want to go a second time, may it will be successful this time.. i really hope u wont be hurt again.. and sure hope u wont turn out to be a monster again…alamak..! takutttnyeee… lariiiiiiiiiiiiiiiik!

ps: thanks for fira for searching for the youtube videoclip for me.. *hugs*.. ofis blockkan, lg2 isu block.. haish..